Lucky Charms

“Diligence is the mother of good luck.” Benjamin Franklin

A bald head and a head of hair are the only two things I envisioned lying underneath a hat. To my surprise, the police officer who rode the train with me last week proved that a hat can be a receptacle for more than a scalp and a head of hair. For when the police officer took off his hat, tapped inside, I saw a  small card with the image of a Catholic Saint, which Saint, I don’t know. I can imagine that the Saint is one that adherents of the faith believe will protect one from harms way, or perhaps a patron Saint specifically handpicked for police officers. Whatever the origin of the Saint, its resting place underneath the police officers hat, for me, cut through the tough exterior of his bullet-proof vest and 9 millimeter gun, exposing an individual who, to some extent, leans on the perceived power behind the image of the Saint, or has individuals in his life that believe in its power for him. The element of religion aside, the Saint card under the police officers hat is not unlike the rabbit’s foot on a key chain or the lucky coin in someones purse or wallet. For centuries, people have clung to the belief in the power of objects to bring them “good luck.” Whether it be protection against evil, guidance in choosing lottery numbers, or positive energy crafted to attract Mr, or Ms. Right, good luck charms abound as does the belief in luck.

What is luck? Is it an energy, is it fate? Is luck something that can be drawn to oneself through an object or an image? Whatever ones stance on luck, it’s hard to conclude anything other than luck as driving the good fortune of those who win mega-million jackpot’s. These type of individuals in particular seem to fly in the face of the often touted definition of luck being a function of preparation meeting opportunity.  To my knowledge, little to no expertise is required to choose lottery numbers. Sure, there are rituals and methods some people employ in deciding which numbers to color in on lottery forms, but these are as random as the numbers that pop up in the lottery machine.

While I do not believe that a charm or an image can ward off evil or lead to good fortune, increasingly, I have come to believe that one’s approach to life, their energy (vibe) has much to do with respect to the circumstances that flow in and throughout of their lives. Now, this is not to say that I believe that  some energy force provided the optimal backdrop for an individual to win the mega- millions, I think some element of “fate” was behind that one in a billion occurrence. Rather, I am referring to the attitude with which one chooses to approach their day-to-day life experiences. In my estimation, one of the chief determinants to attracting good fortune is the ability to view challenges as opportunities to grow, instead of harmful and limiting obstacles to success. This attitude welcomes the chance to go in one more time in lieu of walking away. Moreover, the drive to approach life in this positive and informative way provides the foundation for which one may rest when things don’t go as originally planned. Of course, possessing a positive and tenacious spirit is only a part of the formula, albeit a critical part of the formula. One should possess the skill and creativity necessary to competently and realistically forge ahead with their endeavors, unlike the stream of American Idol cast offs that insist on trying to fit a circle in a squared hole. Granted, some with no discernible skills or any iota of creativity have achieved what many may deem to be success, however, I believe this is the exception, not the rule.

At the end of the day, a mild reliance and belief in a good luck charm or ritual is quirky and by and large harmless. It is when ones belief in good luck or ritual overrides their responsibility to be clear with themselves and those around them that their lives typically fall out-of-order. Life being life, anything can happen, but no matter what transpires we ultimately have control over how we choose to  process what is happening to us and around us. Will we seek to find the lesson and opportunity in what is happening, or will we run out to find another charm or ritual to increase our luck? The choice to be positive or negative, to keep pressing or give up, to attract greater challenges and opportunities is not a function of what charm we possess or what ritual we uphold, it is something that we cultivate inside of ourselves. It is my desire to keep cultivating a spirit that is not easily defeated and welcomes failure as an opportunity to grow, accomplishing this would make me lucky indeed.

A Drop in the Bucket

Do you have a bucket list? For those who may not know, a “bucket list” is composed of the things/events you personally want to experience before kicking the bucket (A.K.A. dying). On Sunday, I fulfilled one of the items on my list, learning how to ride a bike. Growing up, I never had the opportunity to learn how to ride a bike.  While everyone around me, including my brothers, seemed to pick up the art of bike riding, I stayed on the sidelines, rationalizing that it was too late, and too embarrassing, to learn how to ride a bike. Eventually, my desire to hop on a bike and fly were tempered by these concerns. For far too long of a time, I was content with keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground.

With my ever increasing objective to make fitness an integral part of my life, I longed to be able to do something outside of the gym, something that would allow me to enjoy bright, breezy days. And thus the call of the bike came back with a vengeance. A quick Google search led me to Bike ride NYC, which to my complete joy offered a free “Learn how to ride a bike” for adults class. After a  few minutes of my ego trying to bully me into believing that learning to ride a bike at my age is akin to having the word loser tattooed on my forehead, I clicked on register and did not look back.

The sensation of, first, learning how to balance, then eventually, pedaling without hurting myself or others (couple of close calls but nothing serious) was fantastic! Riding a bike felt better than I had ever imagined!  Each pedal stroke felt as if I were delving further into a different plane of existence where it was just me, the pedals, and the breeze, feeling as free as I have ever felt in my life. In the midst of this liberation and joy, I thought of my mother, of the prison of fear she had locked herself in for so many years before and after my birth. Had she ever had the chance to feel as free as I did today? If so, when and what in her let that go? Ironically, it took  my feet being above the ground to be able to walk in mothers shoes. Perhaps for the first time, deep in my soul, I felt sorry for the woman whose life was defined by so many limiting, destructive, and negative thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Afraid to strike out, like so many people (myself included), my mother preferred to stay comfortably numb and holed up in a world that did not honor who she was created to be in this world.

It was out fear and of not knowing any better that mother acted and reacted to me the way that she did so many times. Little doubt exists that the negative and hurtful thoughts and actions that were hurled onto my mother in her childhood formed the foundation of our relationship. Left unchecked and untreated, negativity, hurt, and fear get the opportunity to grow and get be passed down from generation to generation. Not willing to carry on the residue of negativity and fear that consumed mother (and to a lesser extent, my father), I am working like nobody’s business to start from point A, drowning out the lies that have plagued me, hopefully picking up more nuggets of compassion and forgiveness along the way.

Perhaps it is foolish, but I’d like to think that each time I ride a bike, my mother will not be too far behind. I’d like to believe that for a brief moment in time, somehow, my mother is allowed to feel the joy of  riding a bike.

Sometimes, it’s not as bad as you think

 

Yesterday, I dusted off an old writing reference book I had lying around my apartment in the hopes that this book would keep my mind occupied on my train ride to the dentist. I had The day I had been dreading had finally arrived… root canal day. I can’t tell you how many horror stories I’ve been told about root canals; the most frightening story being the one  my friend told me about her father punching a hole into a solid wood drawer. I cringed at the thought of something hurting so much that it would cause someone to punch a hole into a solid wood structure. Here I was, on my way to have the very same procedure that my friend said lead to the gaping hole in one of her families wood drawers. Despite the fact that it had been years since I was told this story, and that the root canal procedure had advanced, all I could imagine was unspeakable pain that would mar my very existence. With a heavy and rapidly beating heart, I was on my way to the dentist, which incidentally fit into the passage from my writing reference book that I selected to read  on my train ride- “The scariest experiences I’ve ever had.” Some of the scariest experiences I’ve ever had have taken place at the dentist. I’ve always been afraid of going to the dentist. The sound of the drill, the gargantuan needles filled with Novocaine, the scent of teeth being pulverized, all of this and the mummified feeling the Novocaine left were enough for me to be over going to the dentist. Add in a couple of horrific dental experiences and therein lies a recipe for dental neglect, the consequence for my dental neglect being a root canal. Having only my non- root canal related experiences to look back to, coupled with various root canal horror stories, was enough for my mind to start conjuring up images of me writhing in pain for days.

A couple of hours, and tears, later, the root canal was over. When it was all said and done, I wasn’t writhing in pain and all of the wood furniture in my apartment remains intact. All of the things that frighten me about the dentist notwithstanding, the root canal was not as horrific as I envisioned. The debilitating root canals of yesteryear were indeed a thing of the past. This shouldn’t have been a surprise to me, after all, I’d been told countless of times by a handful of people that root canals nowadays are not that bad. Of course, “not that bad” to me meant that only one piece of wood furniture in my apartment would be defaced. As I was adding this “imagination gone wild”  experience to my file, I thought, how many of these “imagination gone wild” experiences had I given into throughout the years. Are these imagination benders, usually prompted by the “What if” questions, what have kept me stuck in the mire? “What if I get rejected?,” What if I fail?,” “What if there is no turning back? ,” soon after I’d ask myself these questions my imagination would work overtime  to generate grizzly scenarios that always ended in humiliation and failure. The fact that I have no solid proof that any of the cringe- worthy scenarios my imagination drummed up would come true has not deterred me from trusting in the strength of these fantasies. Just as I had allowed myself to get caught up in the root canal horror stories, I have allowed myself to get caught up in “What if”s” scenarios that have kept me from taking some risks, risks that could significantly boost the quality of my life. It’s high time I kick my “What if’s” to the curb and embrace all the good, bad, pretty, and ugly that taking chances has to offer.

Needless to say, I am not looking forward to going back to get another root canal (yes, I have to get another root canal, :/). Getting a root canal is not fun. However, the truth is that had I not personally gone through the root canal experience my imagination would have kept churning out horrific scenarios where I’d run mad in the street with pain, punching holes into every piece of wood furniture I’d come across. But having gone through the root canal drill (pun intended), I know that it won’t kill me. I am not going to die, let alone punch holes in my wood furniture. What I will take away from this root canal saga are not only some healthy teeth and, fingers crossed, killer crowns, but also a renewed determination to not take my “What if’s” at face value. So, here’s to a healthy grin and less “What if’s.”

 

 

I do, I really do

* This is a post I originally intended to post on Valentine’s Day. After some tweaking, I am posting it today

“There is hardly a more generous gift that we can offer somebody than to accept them fully, to love them almost despite themselves.” Elizabeth Gilbert

I’m the type of consumer that magazine editors love. The person who mosey’s into supermarkets and drug stores intent on buying a few essentials but somehow gets lured into buying a magazine, or two. Somewhere between aisle 1, 2, and the checkout line, the photo shopped pictures and witty tag lines splattered on the front cover of various women’s magazines call my name. Over time, I’ve subscribed to some of the magazines that most frequently drew me into their web. No matter the focus of the magazine, without fail, the common denominator among most women’s magazines are the articles on romantic relations; “How to get a man,” How to keep a man,” How to get rid of a man,” and “How to survive without a man” are woven between articles on how to get flat abs, the hottest trends, and 5 simple cooking recipes. Perhaps the seemingly high influx of celebrity divorce news lately has propelled a steady stream of the “How to divorce proof your marriage” and “How to survive a divorce” articles. Without fail, the one thing that is stressed in all of the articles I’ve read about marriage in these magazines is the fact that marriage requires a significant amount of elbow grease to sustain, especially when children are introduced in the mix. Being a “professional” single woman myself (professional single woman: never married, never lived with anyone, no children, and most likely rocked a different hair style and/or color the last time she was in a relationship), I find the various relationship articles to be both entertaining and informative in that they open my eyes to strategies I can put to the test whenever the next boyfriend, and concurrently the next hair style, comes around.

Keeping the lines of communication open is chief among the relationship strategies lauded by the experts quoted in these articles. But what about the act of carefully assessing the “worst” that your partner has to offer prior to entering into a serious relationship to answer the question, “Can I work around that?” and more importantly “Can I accept these flaws?” In the January 2010 edition of O Magazine, author Elizabeth Gilbert shared an excerpt from her book “Committed” in which she reveals the painstaking act of narrowing down a list of what she believes are her top five most deplorable faults to her now husband Felipe. Gilbert writes,

“The most important thing I wanted to clarify, out of a fierce impulse toward honesty, was to make sure that Felipe knew what he was getting – and getting into – with me. I desperately did not want to sell this man a bill of goods, or offer up some idealized seductive performance of myself. Seduction works full-time as Desire’s handmaiden- all she does is delude; that is her very job description – and I did not want her stage-dressing this relationship during the out of town tryouts.”

The first item on Gilbert’s list read as follows, “I think very highly of my own opinion. I generally believe that I know best how everyone in the world should be living their lives – and you, most of all, will be the victim of this.” Puzzled by Felipe’s apparent unfazed reaction to this and the rest of the items on her list, Gilbert asked Felipe how he still loved her after rattling off the worst of the worst of her flaws to him. After some silence, Felipe shared the following poignant story,

“When I used to go down to Brazil to buy gemstones, I would often buy something they call ‘a parcel.’ A parcel is this random collection of gems that the miner or the wholesaler or whoever is bullshitting you puts together. A typical parcel would contain, I don’t know, maybe 20 or 30 aquamarines at once. Supposedly, you get a better deal that way – buying them all in a bunch – but you have to be careful, because of course the guy is trying to rip you off. He’s trying to unload his bad gemstones on you by packaging them together with a few really good ones.

So when I first started in the jewelry business I used to get in trouble because I’d get too excited about the one or two perfect aquamarines in the parcel, and I wouldn’t pay as much attention to the junk they threw in there. After I got burned enough times, I finally got wise and learned this – you have to ignore the perfect gemstones. Don’t even look at them twice because they’re blinding. Just put them away and have a careful look at the really bad stones. Look at them for a long time, and then ask yourself honestly, ‘Can I work with these? Can I make something out of this?’ Otherwise, you’ve just spent a whole lot of money on one or two gorgeous aquamarines buried inside a big heap of worthless crap.

It’s the same with relationships, I think. People fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that?’ Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”

Are you honestly able to say that the person with whom you are thinking of getting into an exclusive relationship with is somebody’s whose “parcel” you can accept and work around? Leaving dirty socks around the house and failing to place the toothpaste cap back on the tube is not what’s at play here, those sorts of annoying flaws are typically not earth shattering deal breakers in relationships. The essence of someone’s thoughts and beliefs is at the core of this exploration for ones thoughts and belief’s informs their treatment of self and others. A sincere and honest commitment to examine yourself in the light of your partner’s (and your) flaws can avert the potentially ruinous byproduct of deluding oneself into believing that the flaws we may ultimately determine we can’t accept or work around will not matter in the future. This is not to suggest that we concentrate only on chasing down the “bad stones.” It is important to relish all of your partner’s “gorgeous stones,” to have fun, laugh, be silly, be romantic, etc. The fun, silly, and romantic times are what fortify a relationship, they are what help keep a relationship healthy and vibrant. What these experiences will not do, however, is mask the giant elephant in the room. More often than not, these elephants can be spotted prior to entering into a serious relationship/marriage. And while the task of unearthing these “bad stones” can oftentimes be brutal, sometimes resulting in the pain of discovering that your current “one” is not the “one,” the strength and introspection gained from performing this difficult task is worth more than any good or bad stone in the bunch.

Stop and Go

Hi, is anyone still out there? Assuming anyone in the blogosphere is still out there and cares, I’m back with a new blog post. After establishing somewhat of a rhythm with my blog (keyword “somewhat’), I fell off the blogosphere map. I wish I could say that my absence was due to an exciting job change (nope, still at the same hell, er, I mean job), some fantastic travel opportunities (no dice there either), or a budding romance with Ryan Gosling (nope, sadly still a delusional fantasy). Here are the main not so thrilling reasons I’ve been MIA from the blog world:

1 Not enough time to draft posts: Ah yes, the universal not enough time reason for not posting in ones blog. While not an original excuse, certainly a tried and true excuse. Although a good chunk of my time has been gobbled up my job, I do realize that watching reruns of the Biggest Loser has taken up a significant portion of my time lately.

2. Stress: Considering that I still work where I do, need I say more.

3. Reverse writer’s block: It’s not that I’ve been crippled by the glare of a blinking cursor light with nothing to add behind it. On the contrary, there have been several notable items in the news that I have been wanting to write about, but my lack of confidence brought upon by some evil forces at work has kept my desire to write them at bay. Add a little dash of dread about my future and there you have the perfect mix for reverse writer’s block.

Coming to terms with the fact that you may not be able to realistically sustain yourself on what it is you love to do sucks. I am in no way saying that I won’t eventually attempt what it is I’d like to do in the future, nor am I trying to be negative. Realistically assessing where one is currently at in relation to where they’d like to be in the future provides a clear picture of not only what it will take to achieve their vision but also what achieving that vision may mean for them in the long run. All of the positive thinking and mantras in the world will not provide me with the money that I need to pay my rent, utilities, food, student loans, etc. It is precisely these things that force me to head out to a place I despise Monday through Friday. The alternative would be to be homeless and/or starving, two things I’d like to avoid. Currently, I find myself in a place where I have to start thinking about alternative things to move onto that do not suck out as much life energy as my job. What that alternative will look like, I don’t know. What I do know is that unless I win the Mega Millions or discover that I am the long, lost heir to some fortune, I’ll need to figure out a less soul sucking way to pay my bills. This being said, my time away has not been all stress and rent paying. I have been able to find solace and stress relief in two activities I never thought would provide any sort of comfort: fitness and cooking.

I used to perceive going to the gym as a chore akin to scrubbing my bathroom toilet. My lack of stamina, coordination, and of all things discomfort producing left little in me that desired going to the gym. Today, I can’t wait to hit the gym! The euphoric feelings and stress relief that I gain after each of my workouts are rivaled only by the tone and definition I am starting to see all over my body, especially my arms. While I would not categorize myself as an advanced exerciser, I hold my own and that feels great! The increased stamina, coordination, tone, and definition I am experiencing, coupled with the feelings of euphoria and stress relief make me want to push just a little bit harder each time I go to the gym. Going to the gym along with working out to some DVDs at home has made a world of difference in my life. One of the best overall workouts I have been doing is yoga. I cannot tell you how much the practice of yoga has improved my performance in all of my workout routines. I have better breath control (important during any form of exercise) and an increased awareness of how much strength my body possesses. Personally, I don’t approach yoga as a spiritual exercise, but rather, as a strength building practice that functions well beyond the realm of the yoga mat.

I had almost forgot how good it feels to write. Drafting this blog post made me feel alive. It was so refreshing to be challenged by something that I care about, something that fills me with joy. Writing strengthens me mentally, and although at times writing be stressful (enter writer’s block), it is a “good” type of stress that at the end of the day leads to a stronger version of me. While I can’t say how frequently I will be able to post in my blog, I will try my best to keep up this blog because writing is just too good to keep on the back burner.

Jotting it all down

‎”Fame gets you in the door but it doesn’t keep you in the room.” Madonna

If you are in any way connected to the writing world, chances are you have heard and/or read of the importance of jotting anything of interest to you down as soon as possible. What you jot down today can turn into something you write about tomorrow. With varying degrees of success, I have started jotting down all the things I’ve seen, heard, or read that interest me. While it is too early for me to say whether anything I have jotted down will materialize into a written piece, I believe the act of jotting things down here and there has made me more sensitive to my surroundings, and in many respects, has caused me to more deeply examine my likes and dislikes.

One of my favorite things to jot down are quotes. Profound quotes, funny quotes, sad quotes, joyful quotes, quotes from books, magazines, celebrities, politicians, you name it, if what was said has in any way captivated me, chances are I have jotted it down. The latest quote added to my list is one from Madonna. Madonna and I go way back. No, I don’t know Madonna personally, but the younger version of myself would have gladly volunteered to become the Hispanic Madonna sans the singing and the dancing. Growing up, I enjoyed Madonna’s music, but what appealed to me most about Madonna was the power she was able to amass in the time frame that she did. The strength and confidence that she exuded both onstage and off is something that I craved and aspired to achieve. Her level of fitness, then and now, has kept me in awe for years. Over time, I have drifted away from wanting to “rule the world” as Madonna once stated years ago. Today, I simply want to do that which I love. Following my passion is what I’d consider successful and that which I aspire to achieve. But I digress. As I was trying to decide what TV channel to keep playing in the background to help me drift off to sleep, I caught a clip of an upcoming appearance by Madonna on the Anderson Cooper show. To the question posed to Madonna regarding the Kardashian’s, Madonna stated that the Kardashian’s have time to develop into something, adding that fame gets you in the door but doesn’t keep you in the room. I couldn’t help but connect Madonna’s statement to events that have been going on around me lately.

Too often, people blur the line between what can be and what is, believing that they have truly measured up to the opportunity they have been given, but in reality can’t measure up to talent/skill wise. This is not to say that they can’t work up to the opportunity they have been provided, and in many regards surpass the opportunity, however, when hubris steps in, this becomes impossible. Hubris is a sneaky and deceptive little pest that commonly masquerades itself in the form of confidence. Unlike hubris, confidence does not egotistically stand by expecting that which there is no source or basis to receive. I cannot speak with respect to where the Kardashians are now, whether that be in the stage of hubris or of confidence. Admittedly, I do take issue with their entrée into the world of celebrity, but I’ll leave that alone for now. For me, the essence of Madonna’s statement rings true whether it be in relation to the world of celebrity or at the office, ‎”fame gets you in the door but it doesn’t keep you in the room.”

105 Degrees of Separation

I can’t remember the date I first tried yoga, but I do remember taking my first yoga class somewhere near Astor place in downtown Manhattan. Also of note were my dang cute newly acquired yoga threads. A few years ago when I first attempted to do yoga, I viewed yoga as a trendy fitness routine practiced by a “select few” granola chomping, vegetarian, health food store enthusiasts.  Having once been a vegetarian, and back when I could afford it, a vegan and health food store enthusiast, I argued that all that was missing in my life was a little dash of yoga. Accordingly, I quickly went out and bought the most visibly appealing yoga outfit and Zen looking water bottle I could find to take with me to yoga class.  All dressed up and ready to “ohm”" I walked into my very first yoga class believing that it was going to be a one hour journey into bliss and relaxation. In reality, it was a full-fledged workout with some “ohm” thrown on the side. All of the poses and stretches that I thought were gong to be easy as pie (non-dairy, gluten-free pie, of course) required coordination, focus, energy and stamina, all of which were powered from your breathing. Unlike the bliss and relaxation I was envisioning, the one that did not require any focus or effort on my part, the true bliss and relaxation that was to come from this class was to be achieved through careful and considerate attention to ones approach to the pose and their breath. Trust me, the tree pose isn’t as blissful or relaxing as it could potentially be when instead of focusing on your approach and breath into the pose, your mind is focused on how much sweat is accumulating on the yoga outfit you thought would still be in pristine shape by the time the class was over. Ironically, what I thought would be the focus of basically the whole class, mediation, was the most difficult for me to practice.

“Clear your mind, relax, and be in the moment,” my ethereal yoga teacher calmly said from the front of the room. With my legs crossed and my eyes closed, I was determined to do just that, clear my mind, relax and be in the moment. Nevermind that at that moment I was frustrated that I hadn’t nailed any of the poses and was upset that my new cute yoga outfit was sullied with sweat. Despite this angst, I felt prepared to relax, however, my mind had different plans. Like clockwork, my mind started bouncing from one thought to the next:  ”Okay, so we are supposed to sit here, clear our minds, relax and be in the moment.. got it. Is this starting now? This seems like it is going to take a long time, I hope not. How am I supposed to sit here with my eyes closed and be in the moment? What does being in the moment look like? Would it be considered cheating if I opened my eyes for a bit? Wow, everyone is sitting here with their eyes closed? Wonder if some people had their eyes opened before? I hope no one sees me sitting here with my eyes opened. I bet someone opens their eyes soon. I bet the women sitting across from me won’t open her eyes, she is like some sort of yogi. I wonder where she bought the top she is wearing… Ugh, I can’t stand that I seriously suck at yoga, what the hell. I need a latte and maybe some sushi. I’m thirsty. Seriously, how can these people stand sitting with their eyes closed so long? I feel like the yoga instructor can read my mind. Yoga instructor, if you are reading my mind, please stop quiet time now. I wonder what would happen if I jumped up and yelled “Boo.” Alright girl, you are getting silly, you need to close your eyes, hush up and be in the moment. This class needs to end now… I suck at this class…….”  There was no shutting off my mind, and for years, there was no getting me back into a yoga class.

Now that I have settled into a cardio and strength training regimen, my lack of flexibility has become more pronounced and I believe is hindering what I have and can achieve in those fitness realms. A little bit older, wiser, and not wanting to sacrifice what I have gained fitness wise, I feel like now is the time to hitch another ride on the yoga wave, the hot yoga trail.  Hot yoga runs through a series of poses in a heated room with temperatures close to 105 degrees. Arguably, the heated environment facilitates stretching, something this flexibility challenged gal is very interested in exploring. Thankfully, my gym offers hot yoga classes and I was happy to discover that one of my favorite instructors teaches several sessions at the gym. After running down a brief history of my failed past yoga life to my gym instructor, she stated that I needn’t worry about my lack of experience with yoga. People of all fitness and flexibility levels sign up to take hot yoga, and as with most other types of fitness classes, there are modifications participants can opt to take, along with sitting out certain poses. With that information in tow, I was off to buy suitable hot yoga clothing and a yoga mat. Additionally, I stopped eating 2 hours prior to taking the class and I made sure to drink tons of water prior to taking the class (and after the class).

Hot yoga is tough, but doable, especially when you are guided by a knowledgeable instructor who is there not only to cheer you on, but to make sure that you are performing the movements safely and at your level. This type of instruction and guidance is crucial for beginners and experts alike as our what our bodies can achieve tends to fluctuate from time to time. It should surprise no one that I didn’t nail every pose, I didn’t get all of the breathing cues, and my mind still raced when it was time to be silent. Moreover, the tendency to try to control what the outcome would be next time I attempted yoga was still alive and kicking. But what I eventually realized immediately following my second hot yoga class (I took another hot yoga class at a different gym location with a different instructor 2 days after my first class) is that what I most need to work on is the flexibility that comes with surrendering to the movements. The idea of surrendering to the movements is something that the instructor in my first hot yoga class stressed to me after class but I was too closed to absorb. The importance of my instructors words became real to me as my second hot yoga class started swinging into full gear. Neither the heat in the room nor the flexibility required to execute the poses matched the landmines I was inserting in my own path. The idea of surrendering is not an easy one for me to swallow, but interestingly, is one that I look forward to attempting. Perhaps the fact that I have experienced significant losses in such a short span of time, maybe that is what has prepared me to accept this challenge now. I don’t know. What I do know is that this road will not be easy, change is seldom easy, but usually always worth it.

 

Unleash the Dragon

 ”I was born to catch dragons in their dens and pick flowers

To tell tales and laugh away the morning

To drift and dream like a lazy stream

And walk barefoot across sunshine days”

Sunshine Days and Foggy Nights

James Kavanaugh

As a young child, I remember watching what felt like an endless stream of Godzilla movies shown almost every Sunday afternoon. I was too young to appreciate any of the significance devotees of Godzilla swear are in each Godzilla spectacular, but do recall how each Godzilla flick kept my older brother and my butts firmly implanted in front of the television set, providing some leeway for my mother to clean and cook. Godzilla was not your ordinary, run of the mill monster, no, he was the perfect hybrid of multiple creatures blended into one. And do I even have to comment on Godzilla’s awesome atomic breath. Only in the recesses of my mind would the memories of this creature mesh with the start of the Chinese New Year, the Year of the Dragon. Godzilla is a Japanese creation that has absolutely nothing to do with the significance of the Dragon in the Chinese calendar. But therein lies the way my brain functions in the early morning pre- coffee hour, and thus my launch into learning about the Year of the Dragon.

 The Chinese New Year is complimented by an animal zodiac which is determined by a 12 year cycle. Each animal in the zodiac carries its own particular attributes and strengths, along with containing some of the five elements spotlighted in the Chinese zodiac, fire, wood, earth, metal and water. Traditionally in Chinese culture, the Dragon is revered as a symbol of good fortune and power that is made up of the elements of water, wood, and the earth. Unlike in the U.S. where the dragon is generally thought of as a monster to be conquered, Chinese tradition positions the Dragon in almost divine esteem. Individuals whose birth year fall under that of the Dragon are said to be passionate, confident, fearless and innovative people. This year of the Dragon is said to be one that will be marked with a spirit of perseverance and progression.

As someone who does not follow the Chinese zodiac, I was intrigued by this traditional Chinese approach to the calendar. Specifically, the connection between the different animals in the Chinese zodiac in relation to the five Chinese elements. Most cultures, I think, have a general understanding of the elements, albeit, a different approach, respect, and appreciation for each of the elements. The Chinese calendar flips this basic understanding of these elements and expands it in ways that are both thought-provoking and fresh. For followers of the Chinese calendar/zodiac, the relationship between these two entities not only provides a glimpse into the personality of bearer of the specific animal/element in question, but also provides a roadmap for the year.

While I don’t necessarily gel with everything the Chinese calendar/zodiac puts forth, it was entertaining to see how colorful the celebration of the New Year is among the various Chinese communities in the U.S. and abroad. Much like our New Year celebration here in the U.S., the Chinese New Year celebration is one filled with anticipation and determination. The spirit of perseverance and progression that is said to mark the Year of the Dragon is a spirit I believe is required in the ever-changing political, social, economic, and environmental landscape that is being experienced around the globe. May this New Year provide the world with an abundance of the perseverance and progression that it is so desperately crying out to receive.

Swimming Lesson

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Is there anything that scares you so much, something that you dread doing for fear of embarrassment and validating the negative thoughts you have cultivated for years, something that the mere thought of doing has you running towards the nearest exit? I don’t know about you, but I typically tackle these situations by trying to present a well- crafted rationale to others as to why I should hold off or completely abandon an idea. A decision that has been plaguing me for what seems like a lifetime but in reality has only been a few weeks is whether I should take an introduction to magazine writing course. I love to write and I think magazines would be a great platform to get my writing juices flowing, so what’s the problem. Well, the problem (or what my neurotic mind has perceived to be a problem) is the second week of the class. By the second week of class students will have been expected to thumb through some magazines, picking out some of their favorite articles and coming up with 4 to 6 ideas for stories they would like to write. Thumbing through magazines, no problem, picking out some of my favorite articles, piece of cake, coming up with 4 to 6 story ideas, hold the phone. I have to come up with, and eventually draft, story ideas to be written, rewritten, and potentially pitched to magazines. What the heck! Couldn’t we just be assigned topics to write about? I would be a phenomenal paint by numbers magazine writer. But no, this instructor actually wants students to dig into the recesses of their minds and come up with story ideas that make some modicum of sense, haven’t been done to death, and most important, that an editor of a magazine will pick up and print. Cue insecurities, writer’s block, fade to black.

What story ideas could I possibly come up with? Really, what story ideas could I possibly come up with? I am not an expert in anything remotely sane and any story ideas that I could come up with have either been done to death or are what the publishing world would consider gibberish. I realize that this is not exactly the type of attitude that I take with me into the class. This sort of frenzy will do nothing for my creativity, my confidence, and my non- refundable tuition fee. At this point, whomever is reading this blog post has either reasoned that their time would be better spent browsing Amazon, or they may be asking “Er, what did this chick think she would be asked to do in a magazine writing class, knit?” I would like to learn how to knit but am aware that a magazine writing class is not the venue to learn that skill. Obviously, writing is the centerpiece of this course, what I blinded myself to is that along with flexing my writing muscles I’d also have to tap the part of my being that can think of a marketable idea for a magazine article. Does this part of my being exist? The answer, I don’t know. The concern, I’m scared of maybe finding out that not a trace of this ability is housed anywhere in my DNA.

Worse case scenario, I don’t possess this skill and I’m out a good chunk of change. No, that will not be enjoyable, and yes, I will be crabby for many, many months to follow. Yet, there is no escaping the fact that the best way for me to find out if I can hack it in the freelance writing world is to discover whether I am willing and capable of engaging in all of the heavy- lifting required to get my foot solidly in the writing door. This includes, but is not limited too, being able to write well, come up with fresh story ideas and/or new twists on old ideas, pitch my idea and style of writing to an editor, get rejected a thousand times, then a thousand times more, and resist the desire to set both my computer and hair on fire. As most freelance writers will eagerly tell aspiring freelance writers, initially, you will get shot down more than you are picked up. Translation, if you can’t hang by the deep end of the pool, get out of the water. Hanging by the deep end of the pool is a no- no for the girl who never learned how to swim, but acknowledging that I have to jump into the pool at some point is something that I know is necessary in my journey towards the deep end of pool. What will be waiting for me at the other end of the pool I can’t say, but I think it may be time to get more than a few toes wet.

3, 2, 1…

 

It’s here, 2012, the year the world is supposed to end, well, according to the Mayan calendar anyway. The end of the world notwithstanding, the beginning of the new year marks the start of a ritual practiced by thousands across the nation; making New Year’s resolutions. “The tradition of the New Year’s resolution,” writes Gary Ryan Blair, “goes all the way to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year” ( http://EzineArticles.com/245213). For decades, people have started the new year pledging to improve their life in one way or another. To that end, the resolutions that usually top the list for most people are losing weight, exercising more, and quitting smoking. Back when I engaged in making resolutions, I too included losing weight and exercising more as my top resolutions (thankfully smoking was never a habit I struggled to break). Learning to speak Italian and taking more photographs were not too far below my top resolutions. Needless to admit, I don’t speak Italian and I usually get to caught up in events to remember to take photographs. Proudly, I have been exercising more and as a result have lost some weight, but this has everything to do with relieving stress and getting stronger than some long ago failed and forgotten resolution.

For me, making New Year’s resolutions was not only futile, but it was also strewn with grandiose and unrealistic goals given where I was at in my life. Ironically, since giving up on making New Year’s resolutions, I have unwittingly achieved some of the goals I was once feverishly tried to check off my resolution list. Most noticeably, during the past several months I have been exercising more which has resulted in my being able to fit into clothes that have been hiding out in the back of my closet for ages.Where I once wanted to exercise to achieve a check mark next to a list, today exercising has become an integral part in the way I relieve stress, gain strength and achieve clarity. There is no resolution list for me to keep up with or beat myself over the head for not sustaining, instead, the increased strength and joy of experiencing my body change is all the impetus I need to continue exercising. Although I may hem and haw at times over going to the gym, I am always better for going, and yes, fitting a little more nicely into clothes doesn’t hurt either. No doubt when I get back to the gym it will be littered with an increased volume of people who have pledged to reach the strength and clarity I have been fortunate enough to experience while working out. Some of these people will be successful, while others will fail. Of course, while this race to the resolution finish line occurs, frequent gym goers like me will have to try and navigate the increased traffic that makes going to the gym anything but pleasant.

Just because I no longer engage in making New Year’s resolutions means that I think any less of those who do, nor am I advocating that people not make resolutions. I am not the Anti- Resolution Maker. I wish all the best to those who have resolved to change something about themselves in 2012. When positive, change is a beaming energy source that lights our paths and touches the lives of those around us in ways we may never fully realize in this life. Resolutions have never been the source of this sort of change in my life. My drive to change has typically come from an introspective crossroad in my life that fell sometime before or after the start of the new year. Perhaps the new year is when that gust of introspection appears in your life, or perhaps the new year is when you have the time and the presence of mind to participate in such introspection. Whatever the case may be, may I recommend the following prior to committing to a resolution:

1. Why are you making this resolution?

2. How will committing to this resolution change your life and the life of those around you?

3. Do you have the resources, tools, and wherewithal to realistically achieve your resolution?

4. Are you ready for the distractions and obstacles that will appear in your journey towards achieving your resolution (otherwise known as life)?

Whether you make resolutions or not, I hope that 2012 is a happy, healthy, joyous, and peaceful one for us all. Happy New Year!